As Thanksgiving approaches and I think of all that You have given to me, I am reminded that while I have so much to some, so little to others, it’s a reminder that it doesn’t matter how much we have, but whom we share it with.

Our family, as estranged as we have become through the years since the death of our parents, know that I still love them all with all my heart. I have cried many a tear on my pillow just praying that we could all be little girls again. Playing and having pillow fights and talking about boys and giggling.

Christmas has always been a magical time of the year for us, and so today, I want to take the time to remind all of my readers that the greatest gift we can give is forgiveness….and the most important thing to be thankful for is family. You have given it to us all and we need to appreciate what we have…when we have it.

My illness is progressing in many ways, and I think about my children and how important it is for them to always know how much I adore them. There is nothing that your child can do that is ever worth losing the relationship over. I am eternally grateful that You, God have given me an extraordinary relationship with both of my boys. I want to be here to see them walk down the wedding aisle, and to eventually experience the greatest event of their lives….having a child of their own.

For those of you who think that the holidays are bleak and bring stress and trepidation when looking toward that hours long car ride to the in-laws, and perhaps even the Monster-in-laws! Please remember that You are still here to be an influence in their lives and to give a testimony of God to them on the most sentimental holiday of the year.

I am asking that you Put God to the test*

Before you leave to visit with your families and carve that turkey and open those stacks of white socks that you now have a pile of….ask Him to give you the opportunity to say grace before dinner. Just a few short words of thankfulness that each one of you took the time to stop what you were doing in your lives and meet as a family. Second, invite them to church services. Seeing the beautiful decorations of holiday glitter and grace, and hearing the glorious melody of Christmas music is enough to put even the worst Scrooge in his place. Third, never leave without telling each of them that you love them. Those precious three little words will linger with them for a lifetime. I can promise you that.

No of us know exactly how long we have to share this world with those around us. It may be 100 years, or it might be tomorrow. It simply doesn’t matter. Make each moment count! I am asking you all to PUT IT TO THE TEST. Try making this holiday just a little bit different and see if the relationships in your lives start to make changes for the better. God is always beside you, he will never leave you nor forsake you. I have PUT HIM TO THE TEST, on so many occasions, and He has never, ever, let me down. I know that no matter what I will have to face, I shall never face it alone. When I go…..I go holding the hand of the man who gave His life–for mine.

God, help each and every one of us to love without walls between us. Help us to forgive and to forget the hurt that comes from living in a world where we all experience disappointment and heartache.Help us to PUT YOU TO THE TEST, and try to love with thanksgiving in our hearts and give the gift of mercy and eternal love that you taught us by example.

Your test is always positive,

Gina

I believe that within each of us, lies an ability to compromise any situation that life throws at us. We are faced with decisions each and every day. We have to face others, and to learn when to get involved—-and when to walk away. Growing up with three sisters, certainly gives one the tools of this trade…..the tool of MEDIATION.

There are always going to be dozens of decisions that have to be made on a daily basis. Will I push that snooze button? Will I go out of my way to show love and respect to my spouse? ……even if he did keep me up snoring half the night! Will I work hard today? Or will I hardly work? Will I spend my money wisely, and save what I can, while remembering to tithe Your share in honor of the mercy that You have shown to me? These are the decisions that seem irrelevant to some, but we all must face them.

There is an unappreciated advocate that seems to be avoided or even dismissed in our lives. We forget that there is someone who is always beside us. Our advocate to make our lives more pleasurable, and full of joy and contentment. The great Mediator that rests within our soul and speaks wisdom to the ages. We have to face making choices that effect the outcome of our days, our future, and sometimes….even our destiny. When we don’t know how to choose, then we must go to the that most unappreciated advocate for mediation—YOU, GOD.

Sometimes, it feels like the left and right side of my brain are fighting for the prize title. I know what I want (usually from my own selfish desires) and what is better for me to grow spiritually in accordance with Your will. I need You to mediate the conflict that Satan tries to confound. When truly, I just need to go to You in prayer, and keep praying until I feel that You have answered me in a way that leaves me feeling at peace.

Several years ago, when we started our journey to adopt a baby girl from China, I couldn’t understand all of the roadblocks that seemed to negate each and every turn that we took. We thought that this is exactly what we wanted to do. We talked about it. We discussed it with the boys, and they were fully on board with our decision. I prayed each and every night for You to tear down the obstacles that came our way. I struggled with how making a decision to save a baby from possible death, or a life lived in a orphanage could be filled with such stumbling blocks. I believed certainly, that they  just couldn’t provide the same kind of individual love and tenderness that a stable home could give to her. I now realize that You advocated on her behalf. Now that little girl is probably in the home that needed her and wanted her more than life itself. You certainly had to mediate my struggle of a deep loss that came with not having another child…..and with the realization that in a few short months I would have a stroke and subsequent illness that changed our lives forever. I understand that having a baby to take care of now, would be totally unfair to her. You were….as You always are …A God of complete knowledge of our future and our life’s journey.

God, I ask that if anyone out there is struggling with making the decision to ask You to come into their heart and forgive them of their sins, that they allow You to mediate between the good and evil that can wreak havoc within our hearts and mind. Show them that becoming a Christian doesn’t mean that you suddenly have to give up all the fun things in life. That all activities have to be completely serious. I know that I can say that I laugh every single day! Life with You is only enhanced by the joy and honesty that comes from a personal relationship with our advocate in Christ Jesus. You can be the tool that we use each and every day to make our decisions a win/win proposition. We don’t have to choose to remain unsaved, just because we will need to give up certain things that keep us from accepting God’s grace and mercy.

I ask that You will forever remain my advocate in heaven. If I struggle to decide whether I need to trust in the medical decisions that I face daily, then I ask that You come into my heart and allow me to receive this advice that is available to me now through the wisdom that You have given to mankind….all the while trusting in the eternal hope that You will heal my body and restore my health. See…. a total win/win proposition made by the most unappreciated advocate in society, and the world.

Thank you God, for always being there for me, and for making each decision an easier struggle with the perfect solution,

Gina

Well……what a lifetime in a few years?! I guess I need to get back to recording my life and my love journal to You. I know that I never stop our conversations, but, somehow I need to know that my heart and my feelings, and my story will be logged into this world for others to know just how my journey is being traveled.

One of my most favorite songs has always been Celine Dion’s “Where does my heart beat now”? This morning I was laying in bed and listening to this song, and it suddenly brought a whole new set of emotions to the forefront of my mind. I asked myself, “Where do all the lonely hearts go”? The verse “everything I needed fell into Your eyes”. This suddenly didn’t bring my husband of 20 years to mind….but YOU also. I have been the loneliest that I have ever been in my physical hearts mind, and still I know that it is full of love and committment. Being alone is not good for the heart or the soul. Being housebound is like a death sentence for someone who is so socially dependant. I’m suddenly like caged bird with not enough energy to flap her wings to escape. No matter how gilded the cage, no one wants to live each day without the sounds of laughter and joy that come with family and friendships. This is probably the most painful symptom that I have had to endure through all of this.  Okay… no pity party today! I must reach out to the world and concentrate on sharing what is fulfilling…. Y-O-U! Without that presence over me night and day, I think I may have given in long ago. That simply is not an option. You gave me two priceless gifts to watch over, and I intend to do just that. I don’t want one heartbeat of a second to fade before I share each memory of my heart– with them.

Everyday is now spent in bed for many, to most of my hours. I sleep, and eat, and I watch television, read,  and listen to music. I know that if the doctor’s don’t find a treatment option soon, then my poor restless body will succumb to all of the fourteen medications that I take everyday now. I have a faith that whenever this time comes, that I will be ready to greet You with open arms. I will know where “all the lonely hearts go” as sung in the lyrics of this song. I will know why this had to be MY story to tell and not someone else’s. I will trust that You will provide the answers, or perhaps by then, I won’t even care to know. I will just be suffice to be in the presence of the One who gave me life….and brought me home, as well. When I wonder “where does my heart beat now”, I will know….with YOU. Perhaps all of the lonely hearts will be there to welcome me and show the outpouring of love, that only heaven’s gate will know how to express.

Sometimes, I close my eyes and just listen to the beating of each and every heartbeat. I sometimes fight sleep, as I wonder if it will  fade during the night. I am not feeling the gloom of the moment, just the opposite. I lay and wonder,”What if I awake tomorrow and all of this will be over, like some bad dream. “What if I jump out of bed and feel renewed, and just as vibrant as I did four years ago? This is what keeps me going. This is the sound that echo’s hope and a fight in me that I will not let die. As I lay here and I feel each and every beat, and I know that I must go on and belive that each day is a gift and that I am still strong on the inside. I know that under this weak and frail body…there is a fighter, and a wife, a mother, a sister, and a friend that is longing to get out and get back to a life that I once knew existed. This is not who I am deep within this heart. This is not who I want to be.  I know two hearts need each other. Mine and Yours. Someday I pray for wings to fly..to fly into Your arms of forgiveness and compassion. I needed someone to give my heart to. I gave it to You alone. I am praying for a full and complete recovery.

 My struggle began when those who believe in spiritual healing stated, that if you ask for healing, and it does not come….then the sick simply have given up– and they don’t believe that they CAN be healed. This is simply, completely, and utterly untrue. Do I believe in complete and instantaneous, even miraculous healing?……….ABSOLUTLELY AND COMPLETELY! But, what happens to us when it does not come? We struggle.We start to question our own mindset. We wonder if WE are what is standing between good health and devastating illness. I am about as real of a person as I know. I say it as I feel it. I struggle, but I still know that no matter what lies ahead……You are right beside me..Always. I know You can heal me in a blink of an eye. Perhaps one morning I will awake and every horrible symptom will be gone without a trace. This is my prayer and my hope for eternity! Until that day comes….I will still give You ultimate praise for each and every heartbeat that keeps this body grounded to the ones that I love so dearly.

No parent wants to lose their child to cancer. No child wants to face leukemia. No mother wants to die before seeing her children live out their dreams, and fulfill them to their highest capacity. If I must face this, then I must give it all that I have inside. Someday this dream of healing feels so far away…but I still hold on to the dreams and the promise that You will never leave me nor forsake me. I feel You everyday, and I know that You will never give up on me. We are in this together. Perhaps Job was a distant relative! He never turned his back on You in the midst of  his trouble…nor shall I!

When I heard the verse, “Where do all the lonely hearts go”? I asked myself to dig deep inside for the answer to that question. There are two hearts in need of one another. Where is the sound that only echo’s through the night? I can’t live without feeling it inside. I need someone to give my heart to. I feel it getting stronger, and stronger, and stronger. You will carry me through this. I will live each day with a heart full of gladness and joy that I am still able to speak and to tell others that there is someone who cares for each and every heart. Someone who knows exactly where all the lonely hearts go, as well as where the hearts that are overflowing with the love and compassion that You fill inside them.

Give me peace. Allow me mercy. Grant me wisdom. I want every day, every hour, every minute, each and every moment to be of value. I want my children to learn about this love, from who I am, and what I truly believe. Don’t let me leave this earth without instilling this precious treasure to them. They must know that no bad day is worth crying over. That a true friend will listen intently and guide with wisdom. That true love is a gift and when the wrapper comes off, we find the occasional mar and scratch, but that doesn’t make it any less of a gift…it just means that  perhaps– its imperfect too. Without our imperfections, we can never learn how to love with true compassion.  Every heartbeat is a chance for love, for making memories that stay with you a lifetime. I don’t want to waste one single heartbeat on feeling sorry for this weak and defenseless body that surrounds this vibrant and thankful person inside.

God, no man is  insignificant. No life is worthless. No memory is irrelevant. No person is useless. No baby is unwanted. No life is truly gone…..until that final heartbeat.

Let mine beat until You fulfill in me…what mine is intended to do “In the Kingdom of Christ”,

Gina

Just like any amusement park thrill ride…… waiting is half the experience. You get your hand stamped and push your way through the metal bars and enter the land of excitement. We know that we are going to be exposed to the height of enthusiasm, as we join our friends and wait for the gentleman to adjust the handle bars and give the motion for the ride to begin. Our hearts race as we slowly begin to thrust forward and see that we are about to climb the inevitable tracks that will zoom to that impending moment…that takes our breath away. Yes….this is what gets the heart and adrenaline pumping at max speed.

This new adventure You’ve decided to take me on, is quite thrilling….in the aspect that I have no idea, what to expect next. I am living one day at a time, in the knowledge that You are my guide and will make sure that no matter how dangerous, I forsee in the coming attraction….I have to know that You will make sure that I am secure and that my handle bars are my faith and Your mercy. These are the two things that I must hold on to, in order to survive this without permanent injury. I am facing the unknown, and that is a scary thing in a world that seems to have advanced in knowledge at an alarming rate in the last several decades. Surly, I can take this new information and diagnosis, and turn its fear and pain, into something beautiful for my Lord. Beauty from ashes….that’s what they say, right? Well, I know that I have trusted You in every good and perfect thing in my life, so why should I start to doubt you now.

Perhaps I just need to look at my life of these past 41 years as just the “waiting in line” phase. I have been pretty lucky to watch the interesting people walk by and even at times entertain me. I have been able to enjoy the excitement of watching others who have just gotten to the end of their roller coaster ride, and are ready to relax, and just enjoy the evening, until it’s time to go home. For that’s what we all do in this life. We wait…..wait to walk, wait to talk, to grow from toddle to tween, to driver, to graduate, to college, to finding that special someone….and then we reach the top of the coaster—-this is the most exciting time of our lives, we get married, we start a family, we have a career, and we are enjoying the good life! Eventually we know that what goes up…must come down. For some it certainly seems as though it is a slow-motion ride to the finish line. For others, we zoom by it so fast, that we hardly can believe that we are being exited off the adventure…..because others are waiting in line to begin theirs.

We all have our whole lives ahead of us. We all wait in line to begin. We all have choices to make, and one of the most important is “who will we serve”. Do we choose our own fate? Do we think that we can live our lives anyway that we want, and then pray that we will spend an eternity with those we love? It breaks my heart to know that there are those out there, that are waiting in line…..beginning to make choices….choosing which ticket to buy….will they choose a thrill ride…or go on the merry-go-round and spend their entire lives guessing how their future will end? I thank You God, that You loved me enough to show me the direction to take. That even though I may not have chosen to take this path, on my own accord. I have the assurance, that You know what is best for me. You know who my life might affect. Will my struggle with MS affect the life of someone who is still waiting by the gate, and deciding which ticket to buy? Only You know the truth. Only You know the outcome. Only You know how my day will end, and when it will come.

I am grateful that no matter how much I may suffer, I know that You will be here. You were the One who cast the first smile on the day that I was born….and You will be the first to reach for my hand and lead me home, when the time is right. I will trust that waiting has been half of the experience, and now I am on the ride for my life. I am looking to the sky and praying that You assure me that I am safe and sound. I pray that You will allow me to share the gospel and my testimony for all to hear and learn. Our lives can be fast and furious…..or slow and calming. Either way, You will be with us always.

Waiting for the Trumpet,

Gina

Obviously the Devil wishes for me to remain unable to write. It has been an ordeal to even get my blog up and running again on WordPress. However, after a momentary plea to You, it was fixed! Once again You’ve got my back.

During the last month I have been doing so much soul-searching. I have been so ill that some days I have to remain in bed til the noon hours, just so that I can throw my legs over the side and attempt to go to the kitchen for a glass of water. I have felt, self-pity, frustration, anger, and regret. I know that this has probably disappointed You, and for that I am deeply sorry. I know that when my back is turned, and the world starts to come at me with full force and intent to harm….You are the one who is the defender of my “Blind Side”.

I never really knew about the  (now famous) story of Michael Oher, the extra-large size boy from Texas who would have been just another statistic in the war on crime, drugs, and hardships that can  befall inner-city youth. Had it not been for the concern and love of one family, whose heart was bigger than the legendary state that they resided in. Not many of us, including many loving Christians that I know, would have taken on such a monumental, yet totally deserving task, as to invite in a total stranger. To house, clothe, feed, educate, and eventually become legal guardians of a young man who they knew nothing of. This is what happens When we let go….and let God.

Perhaps in the last few years, I have allowed You to do this for me. I am a nobody to most. A friend to many, Everything to some, All to a few, and a stranger to probably 99% of the world. These are some powerful STATS that I never truly considered before now. Yet, You have given me the drive, and unitive to write about my life, my love, and my desire to serve You. This has allowed for friendships from across the globe. I am humbled and grateful for this gift. For You took me under Your wing. You clothed me in Your righteousness. You feed me the living word. You educated me about eternity and how to achieve it. Then, eventually You became my spiritual Guardian, my father and my family. This is what happened When I let go….and let God.

I have learned that the quarterback in the football game is not the most important position that is assigned. Yet there is another who receives much less attention and far less fame for his efforts. Hmmmm…..Sound familiar?  This is the position that guards the quarterback. He is the one who makes sure to protect and shield him from the opponent. He watches out for the enemy who tries to take down this player of great importance. He will put himself between the enemy, and the quarterback, so that when the opposition comes barreling at his team-mate with full force,  he will do everything within his powers to protect him from injury and harm. He is responsible for his teammates “BLIND SIDE”.

God, I know that lately the world seems to be tackling me from every direction. My faith is my football. The opposition… is the devil, and he is trying desperately to take me down. He barrels in “Hard, and fast”, and his goal is to inflict as much physical harm as possible. He truly wants me out of the game, and sidelined. Well…….I just won’t have it! I have been so ill and weak, that I have been too tired to write and tell about all that You still do for me in my weakest hour. I have been scared, alone, angry, frustrated, exhausted, and burned out. I have been allowing tiny whispers to tell me that I am defeated. I pray daily for the strength to thwart the enemy and tackle him with the word of God. When I am low, and the team needs my words of encouragement, I know that somewhere lurking in the shadows, is the player who wants to make sure that I never play again~! Well, He is sadly mistaken. For what I never saw coming…the intense pain, the weakness, the nausea, the muscle collapse, the falling, the infections, the possible diagnosis of MS, this is the whole nine yards….and You Knew It All Along!

 For what I never expected to happen, did indeed hit me like a 300 lb. linebacker on a mission to seek and destroy! While I got blindsided by my own personal misery….YOU saw it coming –and shielded me from total collapse. To say,  ”Thank You”, hardly seems fitting enough for the power of salvation to a humble player like myself. I never gave up on my faith, and You never gave up on me.

 I have been reminded that someone has my “BLIND SIDE”, and He won’t let anything, or anyone, bring harm to me. I am back, and I am ready for a new season!!

 WhooHoo! I won’t be defeated by the one who was cast out of the major league due to pride and jealously of the All Star!  I am back on the playing field, and I intend to play until the last quarter.  I thank you, God, for never giving up on me. For always having my back, and being the protector of Your winning players. You got my back…and I’m gonna make You proud! My blind side is always protected~

Forever on the Winning team,

Gina

I’m not sure whether it is because of my place in the family order, or just because I find sibling rivalry interesting, but I have always struggled a bit with Jacob’s determination to succeed. Even from in his mother’s womb, he was determined to latch onto his twin’s heel, and be delivered by means of a race, being welcomed into this world. He wanted the birthright so badly, that he would do anything to make sure that he would receive it before his father’s death. With the help of his mother, who also favored him, his trickery won him his coveted title. But just like all means of covetousness, his greed would truly, cost him all. It would take wrestling with You, to bring him the understanding that to gain You, and loose property and possessions, is to gain everything indeed.

I can remember, even as a child sitting in Sunday school, hearing the story of Jacob and Esau with extreme interest. I can recall looking at my teacher with wonder, thinking, “Wow! that must have been some bowl of soup!” Either Jacob was one heck of a great chef, or Esau obviously thought that his brother was kidding him, and annoyingly said, “yes, you can have the favored birthright.” We all know that as children, we say things to our brothers and sisters, during frustration, that isn’t meant to be truly interpreted as what me meant. We all say things in the heat of arguments, and in the hours of our exhaustion, never meaning our words to be taken for anything, other than face value. I know that if my three sisters, took everything we always said, without regard for our emotional status when, we spoke it–then we would have remained in trouble. We four sisters, really were all treated without regard for birth order, during our childhood. I do believe that as we grew older, that we tended to develop into our own extremely, unique personalities. We each have our own likes, and dislikes. We each have our own moral compass, and we make our decisions based upon which direction it is pointing.  I have seen things occur in the last year and a half, that I never thought, I would live to see happen. Life’s events and milestones, can sometimes, take us to a place, where we should never have ventured. I pray diligently for those whom I believe have just temporarily lost their path for now. I pray for those whom I love, that they will never doubt my love for them is eternal.  You are first in my heart. Those we share our lives with here, are meant for enjoyment and for making memories. I only want to share my time and my memories with the intention that You will be exemplified and honored.

Jacob had an undeniable desire to be first, and to be given the biggest portion of the family wealth. It is sad to see others, search for this same desire in something that will never bring true happiness or peace. Esau, knew as the eldest son, that He would naturally be given the larger portion of the land and possessions of his father. He knew that this was tradition of the times, and there was no reason to question what was already predetermined social standard.

Somehow, Jacob’s desire for this relished honor, drove him to a point where he was willing to trick his beloved father, during the final hour of his life. He, with his mother, Rebekah’s assistance, would convince Issac that He was his hairy, older brother, and receive the blessing. It is also amazing, that during those times, it was absolute law, that a man’s spoken word, was to be taken as finality. Esau, knew that if his father has spoken this over Jacob, then he would have to abide by it. He would not question his father’s last word. In today’s time, we would be in court for years, spending our last dime, to determine who  would be the victor. No man’s word is ever taken as truth and justice today. We tend to twist and distort every single event in our lives until it suits our own selfish greed and personal satisfaction. I’m sure that this makes You cringe in disbelief, that man has become so completely self-centered, that we only give in, once we have successfully gotten all that we wanted to begin with. I have the mentality, that if someone else want’s it bad enough, then they should just take it. The things of this world, are exactly that….things. There will not be a U-Haul behind my Hurst, and I won’t be taking boxes to the cemetary. The most important thing in this life, won’t involve a delicious bowl of lentil soup–not even if Chef Emeril made it himself. No, I do not want a birthright, or a birth-wrong.

 I want my family to love one another and choose to ultimately serve the man who didn’t even have home to call his own when he lived here. A man, who owned nothing of value. A man who came from a poor family, and had to flee from Kings, who were jealous of his powerful following and knowledge of God, the Father. I am not a heel holder, or a coat-tail rider either. Perhaps, some would say im simply not ambitious enough. Maybe that’s true, as far as monetary wealth is concerned, but I know what is tangible. I know what is fleshly. I know what is temporal. I know what is eternal. It is with great respect to those who care to judge others, that I say this, “If my life is equivalent with eternal substance, then I am prepared for death itself.” For we know that our life is meant to be of the service to You alone. We are given the gift of family, friends, and acquaintances to leave our mark upon. We are here to share the gospel with others. We can tell of Your great life and how they too, can receive salvation and wait upon Your return.

I want to live my life with Esau’s disregard for the importance of title’s and rights of inheritance. But, I want to strive to become the Jacob of Ole. The mighty man who had to admit his sins and horrible trickery, to get what was not of real importance. I have done things in my life, that I am not necessarily proud of. I have at times, done things that did not honor You. I have put myself ahead of others, and at times, ahead of You. For that I am ashamed. However, it is with Your power of forgiveness and grace, that You have shown me how to move past those indiscretions. I know what is sin now, and I am therefore responsible for making decisions based on that knowledge. I know what is expected of me, and I have no excuse for disregarding that. I have made many mistakes during my life, and if I were to bind myself by them, I would be tangled for a lifetime of guilt and pity. But, You have given me a second chance, a second life, a second birth. I now have the opportunity to be as determined as Jacob and as forgiving as Esau. I pray for the best of both.

Lord, thank You for letting me hold onto Your heel during my rebirth, and forgiving me for luring lentils into self-indulgence.  It is with great Determination…that I know You are all I need.

Gina

Some people ask, “Do you ever talk to yourself”? I laughingly answer, “Yes, but I only respond if the conversation requires that I make a valid argument to settle any dispute.” I can only say that within the almost three years, since my illness began, I have had, but two choices to live by. One–become the lady in cardigans who has 27 cats and spends her social security check on cans of tuna….or Two–discover a way to enjoy what I have, and write precariously about my daily struggles, only to give God the glory in it all.  I respectfully submit…that I have chosen option number two.

With that being said, I have to admit that loneliness can become an issue for so many of us. We can spend our entire day, still in our PJ’s, or we can get up, shower, get dressed, and Facebook until our kids get home from school. I am so grateful that despite all of my insecurities and my loneliness issues, You have remained by my side, as my closest confidant, and dearest supporter of hope during times of hopelessness. I truly do give You all of the glory for my survival. I have adapted to this new life of mine, through the use of comedic relief, and the knowledge that I have a Savior who loves me and will guide me until Your return.

 I can honestly say, that I have been a bit frustrated lately. I have been missing church services, and it is a part of my life  that brings immense joy. I am someone who needs that interaction with other believers and the camaraderie that comes when we share our faith with those who also have that personal intimate relationship with You. We somehow find ourselves facing the same giants that intend to harm us, if we do not stand up and use our sling-shots of faithfulness to overpower them. I am discovering that there are so many others, just like myself, who are dealing with such similar issues in family, relationships, health, finance, and just daily life struggles in particular. I don’t think that this is by chance. I truly belive that You are the sole reason that we are to gather together and share our concerns and our joys, so that we can give You all of the praise for deliverance.

I have sometimes turned on the radio in my van, and while listening to praise and worship music, I will sing along. To others who are passing by, they probably think that I am talking to myself. I do not worry about this. I know that  I can and sing to the God who deserves to be praised. We know that if we do not, then even the rocks will cry out in praise to You. If rocks can sing….why can’t I? I love You, Lord Jesus, and I may be dealing with several battles right now. But,  I have complete confidence, that You will carry me through. I often picture the footprints in the sand. One set of footprints that show You carry me when I can no longer walk myself. How fitting to my own personal circumstances. I can only give You the glory for the fact that I am no longer in my wheelchair! I have chosen not to use my walker–as a sign that I am trusting You for healing. I am rarely using my cane now. I have fallen some, and I know that I do “waddle’ with unsteadiness. I must not waiver from my confidence that a healing will happen! I will not give up or give in. I may not be restored to complete health yet, but this is in no way an indication that I will not see complete restoration before Your return. If I must deal with this a while longer, even if I do not understand the reasoning, then I will do so, because it could mean an even bigger miracle to show the power of a God who can do all things!!

I was once told by a friend, that she tried to pray at least three times a day. That she wanted to make sure she reserved those special moments to converse with You and share about her day. She then asked, “Is this what you do?” I suppose I surprised her to some degree. I said well “no.” I wake up and start my day by talking to God. I kind of have an open forum of dialogue throughout the day. I don’t really say, Amen, until I go to sleep. I talk to Him so much, that it may appear as though I am talking to myself at times. I have caught myself moving my lips. It may seem funny to others, but this is how I talk with God.

I can’t begin to thank You enough for Your sacrifice and for Your mercy that You have shown to me as a sinner, just saved by Your grace. I want to walk in faith and in the love that only You can provide. I talk to You throughout the day, because I no longer look at You as a stranger who I have to struggle to make conversation with. I look to You, as a friend whom I can talk to about absolutely anything and everything. You have been my closest friend and I treasure that I have no fear when telling You my secrets and sharing with You about how I struggle with life’s demanding  circumstances.

To the God who allows me to talk unhindered,

Gina

I have come to the conclusion that there are many people  in this world with such diverse capabilities, that one begs to discover as many as possible during their lifetime.

I have wondered why You have so enticed me to love the art of writing with such a passion. It occurred to me this morning.

Writers write…because it inspires great thinkers. Writers write because it evokes an emotional response. Writers write because words can stimulate art, media, and design. Writers write because their words can transcend beyond the current moment, therefore being remembered throughout generations. Writers write because verbal wit is enjoyed in moment, but written wit can last a lifetime. Writers write because when their thoughts are incurred, it can bring an epiphany that will change lives. Writers write because words can elicit hope, joy, peace, comfort and happiness.

You know and understand, that one of my greatest fears is that of neurological impairment. I know that You will never leave me nor forsake me. I have struggled with this odd and yet fascinating dilemma that has come upon me. I can write without struggling for the words that beckon to be transposed, yet during a normal conversation, I am stuttering inside my own brain, to think, and search for the sentence that I really want to speak. This is most often in the case of witty come backs. If someone is joking around with me, I used to be able to dish as well as be fed the clever verbal repartee. I enjoy it so much! But, when I totally forget what I wanted to say…it is lost in the moment, and forever buried in the recesses of my mind. That is why I enjoy writing. I can express my words, my thoughts, as well as my emotions with the use of key strokes and voile~ My intentions and comments are released and communicated.

I thank You, God that You love me in spite of myself. I can hardly understand, at times, why You always are there when I need a spiritual “hug”, and that there is no time, day or night, when I can’t call out to You, and know that I am forever heard.

I suppose I first realized this regretful circumstance, when I was watching a movie about a couple that had struggled to find love for years. Life seemed to get in the way of their true hearts desires. They did, in fact, finally come together, and against all odds, were reunited for the rest of their future. The sadness came when the plot was revealed and the husband had remained true by her side in the most difficult of finale’s. She had succumbed to Alzheimer’s disease, and forgotten the man of her dreams. He was forced to live his life without due reciprocation of his devoted, and truest love..due to the memory loss that had taken over the mind of his wife. He had however, come to the knowledge that by writing about their romance in a journal, that perhaps he could force those precious memories back into his angel’s mind as well.  This seemed to be the answer…until he was forced to realize that their history would only be enjoyed for mere moments. How heartbreaking to love someone with such passion and dedication, only to live out your future with someone who views you as a complete and utter stranger.

God, I fear that someday, I could reach a pinnacle in my health, where I may not be able to write and record my memories and my adventures. I want to write every single moment that is portrayed as exciting, as joyful, as sad, or as funny, just so when– and if that time would fall upon me, as well–that I could be read my memoirs, and relive them again. You are a God of love. A God of healing, and a God of patience. You never give us more than we can handle. Therefore, I have the confidence that whatever my future holds in my writing career, I can have this treasure, for my family to remember me by.

I write because You have instilled a passion for learning more about You every single day. I write because I want to sing praises to the Savior of this world. I write because, no matter what I am faced with in this life..I know that You will be by my side. If I can remain immortal by means of written documents, then I will live on in the lives of those whom I love, until we would be reunited in heaven again one day.

There are so many writers whom are legendary in their works. Hemingway shall never be forgotten. Not for what he did in his ordinary life, but for the words that he scripted. He made sure that his thoughts and idea’s would never go to the grave with him. He succeeded in his quest, as did so many famous authors. I do not write to receive fame from my literary capabilities. I write, to show others that even in desperate times of our lives, we have the answer to all of our questions. In fearful times, there is a still, small voice that is beside us, and can wipe away all the tears. That when we are so vulnerable to the sinful nature that we were born into, we have a way out. We have someone who was willing to take on every sin, every evil crime, every malicious thought, every wrong doing.  God, You loved us when we were the most un-loveable creatures of Your design. I praise You for Your selfless act of sacrifice, that dripped away with the sweat and tears that were shed upon that old rugged cross. Without that understanding and passion, I could not dare express my gratitude and thanksgiving for my unyielding desire to serve You alone.

Without the bible….we would not have the hope that transcends throughout the ages. Without the books of the prophets, that were the spoken words of our heavenly Father, then we could not share the gospel throughout the world. We can speak to others and tell of Your glory, but, it is the written word that tells the world of Your love and Your sacrifice that can not be expressed with any greater passion…than by the pages that speak to the heart of every single reader. Your word….inspires my words!

Lastly, I write….because I will lend my gift to honor my God in heaven above,

Gina

 If these last few weeks have taught me anything, it’s a few new lessons to learn by.

Life is inevitable

Happiness is a choice

Joy is unspeakable

Grace is sufficient

Mercy is available

Miracles are real

Family is priceless

Health should be appreciated

Kids say the darndest things

 Time still flies- whether you’re having fun or being miserable

AND: Only YOU can sustain us through it ALL!

Life may not be easy, but it comes to us each morning. I have come to appreciate the fact, that there will come the dawning of a new day, and I may not be granted that appreciation. I must acknowledge that it is by Your grace that I  am even given a new day to live and to enjoy. Your love have seen me through some very difficult times lately. Yesterday, was a good day! I can’t say that I was without pain, but I still managed to keep a smile on my face and enjoy the family time that was a gift. Only few people care to give and to receive it without provocation. I know that in the ordinary moments, if we are willing to search, we can find-and make- some of our most treasured memories.

God, I ask that You take me and mold me. I have often heard it said of teachers, that their students are like clay. Teachers have the opportunity to mold, and create in our children, a mind to enjoy the lost art of pursuing an education. All because they feel it is a privilege to learn. Not, because it is forced upon them, but because they understand its immeasurable worth to society, and to their own self-esteem. In the olden days of our history, we know that there was segregation, and there were groups of people, and races that were not allowed the same opportunities to attend school  and be given the lessons of instructions, required to read and to write. It was a privilege given only to those that were considered to be of a greater worth to society. A worth, that was deemed only equivalent by man’s inept concept of human value. I praise You God, that at least, in man’s attempt to grow spiritually, morally, and intellectually,we have achieved some success in learning that You value ALL men, women and children in equal measures of grace and love.

For those whom were not granted the privilege of a formal education, they were told that an “X” was to serve as their signature for binding agreements to incorporate legal documentation. That ironically, those same individuals were unable to read and understand. This was an atrocity. I believe that we have come a very long way in our quest to understand that we are created equal, and we all have the right to be treated with dignity, with respect, and with the same opportunities to education. You show no bias in Your love and mercy for us, so why should we show any less respect for another individual based on any type of prejudice?

In the search for mercy, grace, and salvation, I have discovered that even though our world has changed, and became open-minded enough to allow for equality and education to be given without bias; we still pretend that this most precious gift is an opportunity that is unreachable and unattainable. How is it that we now understand that education is affordable to all, but believe that eternal life is only for those radical, unstable persons, who seek “a higher power” who can not be seen with human eyes, and allow tragedies to occur without divine intervention? I am outraged by this. I know that I need to keep my self in check here. It is not for me to explain the workings of my Savior’s divine decisions and Your predestined plans for eternal benefits. You created man from the dust of the earth and You will ultimately ascend from heaven and claim Your rightful throne one day.

It is however, our responsiblity to teach and preach the gospel to the lost and dying world who has yet to accept Your life and death, that changed our circumstances forever.

Speaking of lessons of education…..I am provoked to speak to You about something I heard the other day. I was watching a program on television and a commercial advertisement came on. It spoke of man’s evolutionary process, and how our “species” had to fight and scrap its way to survive until today’s time. That ancient homosapians, had to pillage and fight, just to survive from day-to-day existence. That food, water and shelter were extremely hard to obtain, and man’s evolutionary process survived because of this inner desire for self-sufficiency, determined on living with only the essential basics. Dare I…Okay…I am laughing out loud….

Today’s man can’t even leave his house without his cell phone, his blackberry, his iPod, his bottle of Evian, his laptop, and can’t get there without his mechanical transportation. If this is the result of learning to survive in order to avoid extinction, then someone, somewhere forgot to tell us. I am learning a new lesson. That technology is amazing. That it is no longer cool to carry bottled water–I must go Green. That it is perfectly reasonable to expect delays, but that most people are intolerant of them. That time is of the essence, and that I must cherish each moment that I spend, and whom I choose to spend it with. These lessons are the ones that are meant to be learned for the here and now.

But, I have an even greater responsibility. I must be quite careful, and methodical in my thoughts, my speech, and in my prayer life. I must learn the lessons that come from the bible with knowledge that confounds even some of the greatest minds of todays theologian community. Jesus, You spoke to the religious leaders in the temple, of things that even their earnest devotion to the scrolls had not lent to them in their hundreds of years of life, and yet, You were but a mere child. I believe that You chose Mary and Joseph as guardian parents over him, because You knew of their devotion to faith and to family. You already knew that they would take very seriously, the demands of teaching and educating him, in the spiritual realms, while living in a fleshly world.

You are a God of calculation. A God of protection. A God of reverence. And a God whom I believe to have a sence of humor. I think that perhaps, many see You as being so omnipotent, that You are all about reverence, and not about joy. That perhaps, You come without light-hearted anecdotal capabilities. If someone is extremely happy, they find joy in the little things. They are able to laugh at themselves, and the world around them. If You created us in Your image, why shouldn’t we expect the same from You?

Thank You, God. Thank You for teaching me the lessons that I stubbornly turn from, when I am not in “my finest hours.” I appreciate that even though I am sometimes a slow learner, that You never give up. You were the first to invent the “no child left behind” concept. Your motivation for encouragement to strive to do my very best, is always worth the effort that it requires.

To My teacher, My educator, and My tutor……Never will there be a “substitute” for my Almighty!,

Gina

I wonder, just how often do we use the phrase, “dodging the bullet?” We have such a way of describing our circumstances with verbal wit. This phrase was used only days ago, when Hawaii was spared of the impending tsunami that was scheduled to hit at 11:05 am. We watched with worried anticipation as we braced ourselves for yet another natural disaster. We are starting, to become slightly unaffected by some of these news stories, and that is becoming unnerving to me. In all honesty, I too, stayed by the television, gripped with anxiety, as we awaited for the shoreline to recede, and the waves to hit. We all watched, and when time seemed to go on, and on, and on, without incident we assumed that we could breathe a sigh of relief. The waves of destruction would not destroy this beautiful island city.

For so many, it was said that Hawaii had “dodged the bullet” and that they should, by all probable means have been hit. That by all scientific research of probability, that began when Chile was rocked with an 8.8 magnitude earthquake hours before. This was GOING to happen. The sea bed was shifted, and the impending wave would come, it wasn’t if, but when. As the time went on, and as it occurred, many other area’s were definitely effected by waves of destruction, Hawaii was not to be effected as greatly as was predetermined.

My thoughts on this, are a bit different, than the scientific explanations as to why Hawaii was not hit so hard by the waves of the tsunami. I had seen where literally thousands and thousands of people were praying for this to be avoided. Due to family and friends that live in the area, as well as those who just didn’t want to see another Haiti situation played out. Father, I believe with all of my heart, that there was no scientific explanation for this diversion…there was, however, a supernatural explanation. I truly believe that the God who can calm the stormy seas, did indeed– do that very thing. You gave protection and peace to those people on that day. You intervened on the behalf of those who prayed diligently to You for protection of their loved ones. There may have been a bullet to dodge, but You are in charge of the sky, the wind, the waters, and the waves. You are the one who has the power to intervene in our lives and change our circumstances, to protect us from devastation and heartache.

Since posting that I would be humbled and honored to receive prayer requests from others, I have been getting numerous ones from so many who are asking that I pray for their situations. I have found that by praying for the needs of others, I am less likely to dwell in my own problems, and focus my attention to the concerns of those who truly desire Your help in their lives. I have seen multiple concerns for job related problems. I have seen marital strife that is begging for Your intervention and healing powers. I have seen illness, and disease, and accidents, that have fallen on those who do not know where else to turn, but to Jesus Christ. I will continue to reach to You, for each and every person who struggles as to where to find that peace that passes our human understanding. We may be dealing with problems that seem to simulate staring down the path of the bullet, but I know that You hold us in the palm of Your hand, and that when we give our hearts to You alone, there is nothing that can bring harm to us. We may still deal with pain, with divorce, with children who are struggling where to fit in, and with financial difficulties and job loss. But, nothing other than our own selfishness, can separate us from the love that flows so freely from You, God. We may be shaken, and shoved by the difficulties that life throws our way. I find that even when I feel totally weakened and physically drained, I can still have the assurance that I will survive. I am a survivor!

Nothing of this world is worth loosing our emotion and mental boundaries that are our bullet proof vest. We have the armor of God that can take those hits from the bullets of life’s hard-hitting challenges. We will sometimes fall down with an explosive hit. But, You have still given us the protection that saved us from that bullet that would have penetrated our bodies and caused certain death. No other love can bring that undeniable protection and peace into our hearts and minds.

I pray now for all of those who are suffering miserably in Haiti, in Chile, and on the coastlines that did sustain a hit from our ocean’s mighty, and powerful waves. I know that they are struggling with questions as to why this had to happen to them. I’m sure many of them who are without a home, without water, food, or a decent shelter, are asking, “Why didn’t we dodge that bullet?” The only answer is to give, is “That we live in uncertain times, and we live with the knowledge that prophesy has foretold us of natural disasters and moral decay in the end of times.” We must not stray from the knowledge that You are coming for us very soon. We must hold on for a bit longer. We must not give up, and take off our vest of protection. The armor of God that will bring us through these perilous times until we see You, and hear that trumpet…knowing that our Savior is finally here to take us home!

I will not fear the bullets that are shot by the enemy–the ones that are meant to take away our faith and our peace. We know whom we are believed, and who is able to take our pain away. “Hold on survivors!!” I promise you all, that Your redeemer is on His way. We must not grow weary now! God, I put my complete trust in You now. I will survive the bullet of pain, the bullet of natural disaster, the bullet of marital strife, the bullet of contention, the bullet of deceit and lies, the bullet of disease and suffering. You are coming and we must acknowledge that You have the power to dodge all of these from our lives. I pray for protection and for strength to fight the good fight as our dear friend Paul had the courage to do. We know what lies ahead in the final showdown. We already know who the victor is!

Praise God, Your coming for me–and all of those who have put their trust in You alone, We will dodge those bullets–as we await for our victor of battle!

Gina