Dear God, From Heel Holding….to Luring Lentils–Jacob was determined

Dear God,

I’m not sure whether it is because of my place in the family order, or just because I find sibling rivalry interesting, but I have always struggled a bit with Jacob’s determination to succeed. Even from in his mother’s womb, he was determined to latch onto his twin’s heel, and be delivered by means of a race, being welcomed into this world. He wanted the birthright so badly, that he would do anything to make sure that he would receive it before his father’s death. With the help of his mother, who also favored him, his trickery won him his coveted title. But just like all means of covetousness, his greed would truly, cost him all. It would take wrestling with You, to bring him the understanding that to gain You, and loose property and possessions, is to gain everything indeed.

I can remember, even as a child sitting in Sunday school, hearing the story of Jacob and Esau with extreme interest. I can recall looking at my teacher with wonder, thinking, “Wow! that must have been some bowl of soup!” Either Jacob was one heck of a great chef, or Esau obviously thought that his brother was kidding him, and annoyingly said, “yes, you can have the favored birthright.” We all know that as children, we say things to our brothers and sisters, during frustration, that isn’t meant to be truly interpreted as what me meant. We all say things in the heat of arguments, and in the hours of our exhaustion, never meaning our words to be taken for anything, other than face value. I know that if my three sisters, took everything we always said, without regard for our emotional status when, we spoke it–then we would have remained in trouble. We four sisters, really were all treated without regard for birth order, during our childhood. I do believe that as we grew older, that we tended to develop into our own extremely, unique personalities. We each have our own likes, and dislikes. We each have our own moral compass, and we make our decisions based upon which direction it is pointing.  I have seen things occur in the last year and a half, that I never thought, I would live to see happen. Life’s events and milestones, can sometimes, take us to a place, where we should never have ventured. I pray diligently for those whom I believe have just temporarily lost their path for now. I pray for those whom I love, that they will never doubt my love for them is eternal.  You are first in my heart. Those we share our lives with here, are meant for enjoyment and for making memories. I only want to share my time and my memories with the intention that You will be exemplified and honored.

Jacob had an undeniable desire to be first, and to be given the biggest portion of the family wealth. It is sad to see others, search for this same desire in something that will never bring true happiness or peace. Esau, knew as the eldest son, that He would naturally be given the larger portion of the land and possessions of his father. He knew that this was tradition of the times, and there was no reason to question what was already predetermined social standard.

Somehow, Jacob’s desire for this relished honor, drove him to a point where he was willing to trick his beloved father, during the final hour of his life. He, with his mother, Rebekah’s assistance, would convince Issac that He was his hairy, older brother, and receive the blessing. It is also amazing, that during those times, it was absolute law, that a man’s spoken word, was to be taken as finality. Esau, knew that if his father has spoken this over Jacob, then he would have to abide by it. He would not question his father’s last word. In today’s time, we would be in court for years, spending our last dime, to determine who  would be the victor. No man’s word is ever taken as truth and justice today. We tend to twist and distort every single event in our lives until it suits our own selfish greed and personal satisfaction. I’m sure that this makes You cringe in disbelief, that man has become so completely self-centered, that we only give in, once we have successfully gotten all that we wanted to begin with. I have the mentality, that if someone else want’s it bad enough, then they should just take it. The things of this world, are exactly that….things. There will not be a U-Haul behind my Hurst, and I won’t be taking boxes to the cemetary. The most important thing in this life, won’t involve a delicious bowl of lentil soup–not even if Chef Emeril made it himself. No, I do not want a birthright, or a birth-wrong.

 I want my family to love one another and choose to ultimately serve the man who didn’t even have home to call his own when he lived here. A man, who owned nothing of value. A man who came from a poor family, and had to flee from Kings, who were jealous of his powerful following and knowledge of God, the Father. I am not a heel holder, or a coat-tail rider either. Perhaps, some would say im simply not ambitious enough. Maybe that’s true, as far as monetary wealth is concerned, but I know what is tangible. I know what is fleshly. I know what is temporal. I know what is eternal. It is with great respect to those who care to judge others, that I say this, “If my life is equivalent with eternal substance, then I am prepared for death itself.” For we know that our life is meant to be of the service to You alone. We are given the gift of family, friends, and acquaintances to leave our mark upon. We are here to share the gospel with others. We can tell of Your great life and how they too, can receive salvation and wait upon Your return.

I want to live my life with Esau’s disregard for the importance of title’s and rights of inheritance. But, I want to strive to become the Jacob of Ole. The mighty man who had to admit his sins and horrible trickery, to get what was not of real importance. I have done things in my life, that I am not necessarily proud of. I have at times, done things that did not honor You. I have put myself ahead of others, and at times, ahead of You. For that I am ashamed. However, it is with Your power of forgiveness and grace, that You have shown me how to move past those indiscretions. I know what is sin now, and I am therefore responsible for making decisions based on that knowledge. I know what is expected of me, and I have no excuse for disregarding that. I have made many mistakes during my life, and if I were to bind myself by them, I would be tangled for a lifetime of guilt and pity. But, You have given me a second chance, a second life, a second birth. I now have the opportunity to be as determined as Jacob and as forgiving as Esau. I pray for the best of both.

Lord, thank You for letting me hold onto Your heel during my rebirth, and forgiving me for luring lentils into self-indulgence.  It is with great Determination…that I know You are all I need.

Gina